Christmas Card Etiquette

Christmas cards have been sent for a long time; the Victoria and Albert Museum dates the first one to 1843, when Henry Cole had a thousand printed, a venture the museum says was judged a commercial flop. The manners around them grew up slowly and differ from family to family, which is why so many people quietly wonder whether they’re doing it right. Here is a plain guide to the questions that come up most: who should get a card, whether you have to send one back, what to say and what to leave out, and how cards sent online fit in.

The short version

• A card is a kindness, not a debt. Nobody is keeping score, and nobody should be.
• Write something, however short. A signature alone is fine; one line in your own words is better.
• Match the card to the person. Religious for those who’d welcome it, a winter scene or Season’s Greetings for everyone else.
• Use the names people use. Spell them right, include the partner, and don’t forget the children if you know their names.
• Late is better than never. A card in the last days of December, or a New Year card in January, is still welcome.

Who should get a Christmas card?

There’s no list you’re obliged to follow. Most people send cards to family, close friends, people they don’t see often, and anyone who has done them a kindness during the year: the neighbor who took in the packages, the teacher, the friend who drove them to the airport.

A few groups deserve a thought:

• Relatives and friends far away. For people you only hear from once a year, the card is the relationship. These come first.
• Older relatives and neighbors. Cards matter more to people who get fewer visitors, and they’re more likely to be kept and reread.
• People going through a hard year. A card that simply says you’re thinking of them is never wrong. Our page of words for someone who is grieving can help with the tone.
• Colleagues. In most workplaces, a card for the team or for the people you work with closely is plenty. You don’t need one for every person in the building.

Who can you leave off? Anyone you’d be sending to only out of obligation, as long as you’re comfortable with that. Lists change as lives change, and it’s fine to let a card lapse with someone you no longer know.

Do you have to send a card back?

No. If someone sends you a card and they weren’t on your list, you can simply enjoy it. If you’d like to return the kindness, a card in the following days, or a New Year card in early January, is gracious and never seems late.

Thank you so much for your lovely card. It’s on the mantel where we can see it every morning. Wishing you all a very happy New Year.

Thank-you notes for Christmas cards aren’t expected. A word on the phone, or a reply card, is more than enough.

What to write, and what to leave out

A card doesn’t need to be long. A greeting, a line or two of your own, and your name will do. Our step-by-step guide to what to put in the message breaks it down, with examples.

Do:

• address people the way they’d like to be addressed, with the right names and spellings;
• mention one real thing: a memory, a piece of news, a plan to meet;
• sign with your first name, or “the Murphys”, and add the children’s names if they’d like to be included.

Don’t:

• send a pre-printed card with nothing added, unless it’s for business;
• use the card to complain, to settle an argument or to ask for something;
• pack in news that should come by phone, such as a death or a diagnosis, for someone who hasn’t heard it yet.

For the envelope, our guide to envelope conventions for couples and families covers names, titles and households; for the last line, see how to finish the card and sign your name.

Religious or not?

Choose the card with the recipient in mind, not only yourself. For family and friends who keep the faith, a religious card or a blessing is a warm gesture. For people of other faiths, or none, or people whose views you don’t know, a winter scene with “Season’s Greetings”, “Happy Holidays” or simply “Warm wishes” is the considerate choice.

If you know someone doesn’t celebrate Christmas, a New Year card is a good alternative: it carries the good wishes without the assumption.

Photo cards and family newsletters

Photo cards are popular with families, and most recipients enjoy them, especially grandparents and friends far away. A few courtesies help:

• Add a handwritten line. A photo with nothing written on it can feel like a circular.
• Think about who’s receiving it. For a friend who has lost a child or is struggling to have one, a card full of family photos may be painful. A plain card with a kind note is the better choice for that person.
• Keep the annual letter short. One page, more stories than achievements, and a little humor at your own expense. Everyone else’s year was eventful too.

Cards at work

Office card etiquette is simple: be inclusive, keep it warm and brief, and don’t give one person a card and leave out the person at the next desk. A single card for the team, signed by everyone, often works better than many individual ones. For a manager, a short line of thanks is enough; nobody expects a card to be a performance review. Our page of Christmas notes for colleagues has wording that suits.

Is an ecard good etiquette?

Yes, for most people and most occasions. An animated card sent by email or as a link is a real card: it carries your words, it arrives on the day you choose, and for family abroad it gets there without depending on international mail. Some people, often older relatives, still treasure a paper card on the mantel; for them, you might send paper, or do both.

A few points of ecard manners:

• Write a real message. The animation is the envelope; your words are the card.
• Check the name and address twice before you send.
• Tell the person it’s coming, if they’re not used to receiving cards by email, so it doesn’t end up overlooked in a spam folder.
• Never use a work email address for a personal card unless you know they’d want it there.

Our step-by-step guide to sending a card online shows how it works on Paper Lantern, including what the recipient sees.

When to send, and when it’s too late

Aim for cards to arrive in the week or two before Christmas; for international post, mail early. Our timeline for mailing your cards works backward from December 25. A card that arrives after Christmas isn’t rude. Say so with a light touch and move on:

Late as ever, but the wishes are on time. Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year to you all.

Keeping, displaying and recycling cards

There are no rules for how long cards stay up, though many families take them down with the tree. Some keep the year’s cards in a box; others cut the pictures out for gift tags next December. If you recycle them, check your local rules: cards with glitter, foil or batteries often can’t go in with ordinary paper.

Common mistakes

• Forgetting a partner or a child’s name. Ask, or check last year’s card.
• A card that’s all printed. Even “With love, Ana” in your own handwriting changes it.
• Sending to the wrong address. Update your list in November; people move more often than address books admit.
• Assuming everyone celebrates the same way. When in doubt, choose a winter scene and warm, general words.
• Apologizing at length for a late card. One cheerful line is enough.

Questions

Is it rude not to send Christmas cards?

No. Plenty of people prefer messages, calls or visits, and that is their choice to make. If you stop sending cards, a New Year message to the people who send you one is a kind way to keep in touch.

Should I send a card to someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas?

Send a card that fits what they do celebrate, or a New Year or winter card with general good wishes. Avoid a religious Christmas card unless you know it would be welcome.

Is it okay to sign a card from the whole family?

Yes. Write the names in the order that sounds natural to you, or use “the Kowalski family” or “all of us at number 12”. The pets can go in too, if your recipient will smile at them.

Is it okay to put money or a gift card in a Christmas card?

For children, godchildren and young relatives, yes, and it’s often expected. Mention it in the message so the card isn’t thrown away with the envelope.

Cards for everyone on your list

All our Christmas cards are painted winter scenes that move: snow falls, windows glow, smoke rises from the chimneys. Each can carry Merry Christmas, Happy Christmas or Season’s Greetings, so the same scene works for religious and secular friends alike. The Christmas Cottage, a thatched stone cottage at twilight with a candlelit tree, suits almost anyone on the list, and most cards in our country collections can also carry the greeting in the language of home.